The Spiritual Practice of Self-Awareness
A Process of Growth and Change
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An excerpt from one of my recent papers.
Within the Evangelical church I notice the lack of emphasis put on self-awareness.
We focus on the aspect of being a sinner, and we are taught that our identity is in Christ, but what does that mean? Who are we? How were we created?
In my private practice I share the story of Jesus and Blind Bartimaeus, asking as Jesus did, “What do you want [Jesus] to do for you?” However, the teaching of self-denial is so strong that often they don’t know how to answer or even where to begin. They’ve never been asked that or given thought to their own desires.
Yet Wilkie Au and Noreen Cannon Au share, “choices that are based merely on external norms and objective values may seem sensible but will feel soulless if they do not honor our desires.”1
We are created in the image of God, carrying God’s goodness within us, and responding to the Call that has been deeply ingrained in us. While I do not ascribe to Predestination, I do believe we were created with specific personalities, whether divine or hereditary, that facilitate our engagement with God and the world around us.
Understanding who we are is the first step of a healthy spiritual life, and this can be done in many ways.
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Personality Tests
Some helpful tools in developing self-awareness are different personality tests that are available. They offer insight into how we may view ourselves, make friends, engage our community, handle conflict, and interact with our context.
Personality tests also offer suggestions for growth, or what patterns to be made aware of when it comes to stress or conflict management.
While these are great tools, I caution against using them to place ourselves in yet another box or as an excuse for behaviour. They offer a good starting point for understanding yourself but as we mature and experience growth, some test results may change.
Two of my favourite assessments are the Enneagram and the Core Values exercise by Brené Brown2, and they demonstrate this point perfectly. My Enneagram type will never change but I know that my core values fluctuate depending on my understanding of myself.
Family Systems
A second aspect to developing self-awareness is understanding our family system and how that impacts our expectations of ourselves and others. Murray Bowen pioneered the research of family systems theory in the 1950’s.3
An only child views the world much differently than a middle child. Additionally, what generational actions have impacted us? How did our parents relate to us? How is that reflected in how their parents related to them? Does our family have a history of alcoholism or anger? How does the family deal with conflict?
These are all part of the family system and impact how we understand ourselves but more importantly how we understand God. Each one of these aspects can affect our spiritual growth.
Emotions & Physiology
Finally, it is important to get to know our emotions and how our body communicates strong emotions with us. What I notice in my practice is the downplaying of our human nature because some emotions have negative connotations. Emotions are neither good nor bad; they simply tell us how we are experiencing the situation we are in.
One specific spiritual example is to reflect on the different physiological experiences of conviction as compared to condemnation. Conviction is from God for the purposes of freeing us from shame. Condemnation halts our spiritual growth, keeping us stagnant in our spiritual life. Unfortunately, whether intentional or not, the black and white theology I witness in some Christian spaces generates shame as a byproduct of their teaching.
The use of imaginative prayer to reflect on our physiological reactions regarding these contrasting emotions can go a long way in deciphering how we absorb the Christian message. Yet if we continue to view some emotions as “bad” or “negative” it hampers our ability to engage them appropriately.
I believe good self-awareness helps create healthier community-awareness because we are more willing to address our blind spots. This may help with conflict management, character development, and the ability to receive constructive critique.
When we recognize how we relate to ourselves it informs how we may develop relationships or avoid situations in our lives. I believe that when I recognize a personality type, learn about family history, or intentionally engage my emotions it makes me a more compassionate person in my relationships and leadership roles.
Wilkie Au & Noreen Cannon Au. 2006. The Discerning Heart: Exploring the Christian Path. New York: Paulist Press. p. 131.
Brenné Brown. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. New York: Random House.
Ronald W. Richardson. 2011. Family Ties that Bind: A Self-help Guide to Change Through Family of Origin Therapy. North Vancouver: International Self-Counsel Press. p. ix