Psalm 139 For Today
After contemplating Psalm 139, I began to paraphrase my experience through the lens of the psalmist.
Praying the Psalms is an ancient tradition. Actually, the Psalms are prayers.
While I was reflecting on Psalm 139, I began to write my thoughts, which turned into a paraphrase of the psalm as I prayed it back to God. This is not to change the words of the Bible. I’m not trying to do that. I’m also not putting words in God’s mouth. Instead, I’m using God’s word as I pray it back to Them.
The next time you’re sitting with Scripture, I encourage you to try this. I find it to be a wonderful act of release.
Here are the words I prayed. May they help you on your journey, as they helped me.
Lord,
You looked at me, and knew my inner desires.
You understand me in ways I never imagined.
You know what I’d like to do, what I’ve already done, and what I will do.
When I’m busy, and when I’m taking a break.
You know my rhythms better than I do.
You know it all.
Even when I’m speaking you know the words I’m about to say.
You recognize my mannerisms.
You understand what makes me… me.
In my waking and sleeping, busyness and relaxing - You surround me.
Putting a hand on me to guide me gently.
Oh, that I would listen!
You know sometimes I don’t.
That type of understanding scares me - I can’t comprehend it!
I could never do that for others, no matter how hard I try.
I’m too limited.
So, I’m afraid of it.
I can’t go anywhere to get away from You, Spirit.
You’re everywhere.
On earth, in heaven, in the grave - it doesn’t matter!
You’ve been there and encompass all those places.
If I could fly away - as far as my wings could take me,
You’d still be there, guiding me.
Your hand would still be on my shoulder.
You’d still be holding me.
Do I deserve this type of love?
I fear that I don’t.
Yet, You love me anyway.
Despite my desires to get away, to go my own way.
To hide in darkness.
It doesn’t matter that there’s darkness, it’s all light to You.
There is no either/or.
You see it all.
And, You love it all.
You created me God.
You instill in me all my desires.
You knew me before I was born.
You made me wonderful, and marvelous.
And You chose me - waiting for me to choose You, too.
You created a plan for me.
I can’t understand it.
I wish it was easy.
I wish I could do it.
It seems like there are so many plans, I can’t even count them all!
I can’t figure them all out!
But, I take solace in this -
You are there,
Beginning, middle, and end.
An eternal loop.
I get angry, Lord!
I see people harming Your little ones.
They talk about You, but their actions don’t match their words.
They hurt, and they harm, and they abuse.
They say they’re Your friend, but they act like Your enemy.
They hurt Your creation.
They hurt Your loved ones.
And it kills me, Lord.
It kills me inside to see it.
To watch it happening, and not be able to do anything.
To hear the stories, and wonder where You are.
What You’re going to do about it?
Look at me, God!
Look deep in my heart.
Know me, know what upsets me.
Know what makes me angry, and what brings me joy.
Lead me, and please, embolden me as I follow in your ways.